A Doll's Heart
by ChibaSachiko
Summary: What's left after your heart dies? Can you live on without it? Can you live with the man who killed it?  yaoi GakuxKai one-shot  may be continued  will change to rating M if I continue this  definitely
1. Prologue

**SC: **Hey guys! This is just a short intro/one-shot/w/e thingy that randomly popped into my head that I felt like writing. It isn't actually mentioned in here, but yes, this is a KaixGaku fic. This is just a prologue-ish thingy, I haven't really decided on anything yet. Like I said, it was a random thing I just had to get down in words, so yeah, here ya go!~ :D

Oh, and sorry for leaving all you lovely readers hanging. I'm so busy lately because of university! Technically i really shouldn't be doing this right now.. especially with a chemistry exam tomorrow.. but i just had to, at least something for all those who are waiting ever so faithfully! I really will get to updating my other fic soon, just my monitor's been stolen by my parents to use on their computer, so I can't really get to my files right now.. T^T yes, so sad.. which is also why I'm posting this instead! :3

so again, enjoy~~

* * *

**Prologue - Life/Death**

I hear you walking up the steps. I can tell that you've had a bad day by your loud stomping. You open the door and I stand in front of you with a silent smile, waiting, and waiting, until you acknowledge me. It usually takes a while until you shut the door, take off your shoes, walk past me to go and change, take a sip of your favorite beer as you flop onto the couch, glance over your shoulder to stare at me with empty eyes, then manage a slight tilt of your head, letting me know that I've been noticed.

I stand there as if frozen in time, wishing my hopeless dreams would just stay buried, cursing it for springing back to life each time I'm in your presence. Why must I suffer this way? Why must I always stretch out my hand, longing for your touch, waiting, hoping, always, that you would truly love me back?

I wish you'd never found me. I wish I'd never followed. I wish I'd never been saved as I lay on the cold ground, waiting for the darkness to envelop me.

I wish the warmth had instead drained out of my body so that I would have been a lifeless doll by the time you spotted me.

I wish you had never been kind to me.

I wish I could be as heartless as you, so that I wouldn't feel the pain I do now.

I wish…

I wish…

You are a crook who cheated death from me.

You are a thief for stealing my heart from me.

You are a liar who promised me new life, for you are the murderer that took my heart and stabbed it over and again until it could bleed no more.

You are the sickest being on earth.

But then…

What does that make the person who loves such a man?

I must be the worst of them all.

* * *

So how'd you like it? -stares with sparkly eyes- it's quite depressing, yes, but .. well.. yeah... -_-;;

um, so if a lot of people like this, I may make this into another fic, so let's have those reviews coming about whether you like it or hate it or wanna scrunch it up and throw it out or w/e! XD

I may post a couple one-shots like this for the time being (if I ever get around to it) since I can't work on my other fic right now (due to certain thieving parents - but i love them! :D) and yeah, if a lot of people like some of them, maybe i'll work on those until I can get back to my other one :)

thankies to all yous who read this!~~ 3


	2. Beat 1

Hey! StrawberryCat31 here reporting for duty!~ Sorry to anyone who's actually reading this for updating kinda late. I also give you guys hearts for reading this! :D

And also, I'd like to apologize on here for not moving on with Ice Cream right now (for anyone having no idea what I'm talking about, it's another fic of mine). My computer monitor still hasn't been returned to me so I can't continue with my fic yet :'( one day...

Yes, so this chapter's actually pretty long compared to how much I usually write, so I'm kinda proud of it! =D yay~ *pat myself on back cuz I have nothing better to do**gul

**Kaito:** Um, thank you to the few who reviewed. That was very nice of you.

**Gakupo: **Yes! I praise all of you for wanting more of my Kaito and I~

**Kaito: **G-gakupo! That's a little.. /

**Gakupo: **What's that my dear? You want me here and now? Oh, I didn't know you'd be so forward, but please~

**Kaito: **! */* Wa-What are you talking about?

**SC: **Alright, you guys can take this to the room, not in front of the audience? Well, not that any of us would mind, but we got a story to get on with~ ;)

**Gakupo: **Oh, yes, of course! How could I forget? Let's get on with the show!

**Kaito: **SC doesn't own any of us! Boy I'm glad she doesn't...

**SC: ***glare*

**Kaito: ***gulp* *sweat drop* *run*

* * *

**Beat 1**

"_Hey! Hey! Are you okay?"_

_Gakupo grabbed the unconscious man's shoulders and shook him roughly._

"_O-oi, you'll freeze to death if you just lie here like this!"_

_As the pale looking man lay limp in his arms, his skin beginning to resemble the unusual blue of his hair, Gakupo began to feel uneasy._

"_Goddamnit! Wake up! Do you want to die out on the streets like this? Oi!"_

'_Huh? Is someone calling me?'_

"_Hey! Can you hear me?"_

'_Ah, someone _IS_ calling me,'_

"_Please.. Wake up."_

'_It kind of feels nice to be called for once.'_

"_Wake up."_

'_The person feels so warm.'_

"_Wake up."_

'_mmm..'_

* * *

"Wake up!"

"Huh?-"

Kaito looked up at the frowning man, still half-asleep and confused as to why he was currently on the floor.

"Oh, mornin' Gakupo-san."

He greeted the man with a smile, simply to be greeted back with a 'hmph.'

"Whatever. I gotta go out soon so get my stuff ready."

"Oh, alright!"

Kaito gave another bright smile, not looking away for a second as Gakupo trudged out of the attic of a room.

"Hnn.. that was weird.. the dream seems so familiar.."

**xxxxx**

"Oh, Gakupo-san, don't you need breakfast?"

Kaito called out as Gakupo disappeared through the main door, coffee in one hand and toast in the other.

"Un, I'm fine. You can eat it. I'm off.."

Gakupo barely gave him a glance as he continued to walk out with his guitar slung over one shoulder.

"Oh.. alright then. I'll see you.."

Kaito smiled at the man's shadow, the smile slowly fading each day.

**xxxxx**

"Nee~ Gaku-chii~ can we have some fun tonight?~"

The brunette hung off of Gakupo's arm, drunk as a dog and barely able to walk as they strolled back into the house.

"Ah, welcome home, Gaku-"

Kaito ran up to the door to greet him when he suddenly stopped in his tracks, his surprised expression turning into another empty smile.

"Oh, hello, Meiko-sama, it's lovely to see you again."

The young woman hiccupped, and swerved around Gakupo to look at the source of the greeting.

"Oh! Kaito-chwan~ How are ya? Aww I missed your little happy face!"

Meiko slunk over to Kaito and draped her arms over his neck, leaning over his lean frame for balance.

"I-I'm fine, thank you for asking. Eto, would you like your usual again?"  
Kaito cringed slightly, pulling his face away from her alcohol-ridden breath as tried to maintain his smile.

"Aww, and you look so adowable in your little house-wife outfit~"

Meiko practically ate him up with her eyes as she scanned Kaito up and down in his apron and Kaito couldn't help but let out a shiver as he simply nodded along to her comment.

"Let's go up. There's no point in talking to him."

Gakupo began striding back to his room, dragging Meiko along with him, and she blew Kaito a quick kiss before she clung to Gakupo's arm again, trying not to fall down the stairs.

"Welcome home, Gakupo-san." Kaito whispered under his breath, his head bowed low, a sad smile printed across his pale face.

* * *

"_Ne, do you love me? I love you, so much."_

"_Of course I love you. Can't you tell just how much?"_

"_I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much that I feel like I'd die."_

"_Don't say that, please, don't. I wouldn't be able to survive in this cold world without you."_

"_I wouldn't be here in this world if it weren't for you. You are my life. You're my world, Gakupo."

* * *

_

_Knock Knock_

"Gakupo-san? It's almost two o'clock. Would you like me to bring you something?"

Kaito stood outside the door, waiting patiently as he overheard some groaning and rustling behind the cold, wooden door.

"Shut up. I don't want anything."

"Oh, okay, I'll just come back later then."

As Kaito began to walk away, he heard some scuffling behind the doors. Very soon, a very tussled up Meiko ran out, or was more like thrown out, of the room, screaming out a full dictionary of swears and curses that Kaito had never even heard of.

"M-meiko-sama? What's wrong? Are you leaving already?"

Kaito backed off to the wall as she chucked her pillow at the grouchy celebrity clutching his aching head on the messy bed, a result of their night together.

"You're damn right I'm leaving! That jerk's the same every single time! Freakin' bastard! Just using me whenever he feels like it and literally tossing me out the door! Ughh!"

Meiko stomped down the stairs, continuing to mutter insanities against the purple-haired beauty.

"See you later, Meiko-sama."

Kaito waved at her disappearing figure, the slamming of the door signaling her leave.

After getting some food, Kaito peeked at Gakupo's room and tapped lightly on the door, walking around the aftermath of the whirlwind.

"Here's some medicine, Gakupo-san. You must not feel so good."

"Yeah."

Gakupo muttered under his breath as he snatched the medicine from Kaito's hand and drank the whole bottle in one large gulp, clutching his head from the giant hangover.

"Ugh, stupid bitch doesn't know when to shut up."

"T-that's not a nice thing to say to Meiko-sama, Gakupo-san."

Kaito looked away uneasily when Gakupo gave him an annoyed glare, shifting uncomfortably where he stood beside the bed.

"And you! Just drop it with the whole Meiko-SAMA thing! What's the deal with that anyways? What are you, some measly slave of hers?"

"I-I just- well, she wanted me to- since she's your-… I'm sorry."

Kaito stopped in the middle of his sentence and dropped his head, his bangs covering his eyes as his hands clenched tightly at his sides. Then suddenly, he seemed to spring back to life as he swung his head back up and shot Gakupo the everyday-carefree cheerful smile, wishing him good luck with getting over the hangover and began walking out, picking up strewn clothes and other junk that he didn't even want to think about, on the way.

"Oi! What the hell- aw, crap, my freaking head!"

Before he could question Kaito's strange attitude, Kaito had managed to escape and Gakupo just flopped back onto the bed, grasping his throbbing head.

"Damn if I ever bring HER in here again."

**xxxxx**

Kaito was back in his own attic room staring blankly out the window at the cold empty street, his eyes distant and his skin even paler than usual.

"Ne, Gakupo-san, I think I must be defective. You are my saviour, who rescued this nobody. Yet, you treat me cruelly and I return it with a smile. You curse at my uselessness and I simply accept it. You bring home many women, and I treat them like your queens. I can deal with all your tempers and coldness because that's the only way I can repay you for what you've done for me. … If only that could be the reason for my actions, I could bare through these days without much purpose but just to serve you. But why… Why must I feel so much love for you? Why must I bare such pain whenever you hold someone else in your arms? Why do I always wish it could be me instead, lying close to you? Why am I so dirty? Why am I so tainted? Why do I feel this way? … What's wrong with me? ..."

Kaito brought a hand to his lips, a single tear streaking down his porcelain skin, the same hand clenched tightly, seeming to hold onto the ruby red of his own blood as if letting it go would mean the end.

'because it would be the end.. when you're no longer here..'

* * *

"_O-oi! Is he going to be alright?"_

_Gakupo looked around frantically, his voice shaking with anxiety._

"_Please, Gakupo-san, wait outside the room."_

_The mechanical voice of the nurse just aggravated him more, and he continued to push past her to get a glimpse of the slightly parted lips of his lover, lying ever so still on the hospital bed._

"_Is he going to be okay? Why can't you tell me? What's wrong with him? Hey?"_

"_Gakupo-san! Sit on that chair and just wait please! We can't possibly examine him when you're panicking! We will call you as soon as we get everything under control."_

_The nurse, with some reinforcement, was able to pull Gakupo away from the entrance of the emergency room and shut the door before he could attempt to reenter._

"_Oh god, oh god! Please be okay. Please, please, please… Don't leave me… Kaito…"

* * *

_

"Ah, are you leaving for work Gakupo-san?"

Kaito looked over his shoulder from the kitchen, pausing in his dishwashing to see the singer off, as usual.

"Unh.. bye."

"I-It's not 'bye', Gakupo-san, it should be 'see you'."

Kaito smiled innocently, and Gakupo shut the door before he could hear anything else and strode off on the familiar path to the recording studio.

"Have a nice day."

Kaito smiled at the closed door of their abode, remaining there for several seconds, as if that would return some form of a response.

**xxxxx**

"Hey, hey, Gaku-chan~ I heard you got a nice lap dog back at your home~"

Mikuo nudged the samurai-like singer with his shoulder as he teased him with his singsong voice.

"Shut it, Mikuo. None of your goddamn business."

"Oh, feisty aren't we? What's bitten YOU on the wrong side of the ass today? Hm?"

Mikuo pretend-cowered at the fierce death glare of the very irritated and sexy singer, which would normally send anyone off crying.

"Alright, alright. I see that it's a touchy subject for you. Sheesh. But hey, that'd also mean I hit the spot? Hehe. Introduce him to me sometime-"

Mikuo stuck his tongue out before he closed the door behind him, barely avoiding the mike thrown at him, aimed for his face.

"Damn idiot just can't shut up. Gah, he's just too much to deal with every morning. Why am I even working with him again?"

Gakupo slouched in his chair, resting his chin on his arms, which were folded across the desk.

"Why am I surrounded by happy idiots that just don't get the clue?"

He couldn't help but cringe and hide his face when his thoughts led him to his blue-haired 'roommate' back home, always putting on a cheerful expression no matter how poorly he was treated.

"Why can't I just get him away?"

**xxxxx**

Kaito was leaning over the bathroom sink, his frail form shaking violently as the coughing just refused to cease. He clutched his mouth with his hands, eyes shut tight at the growing pain in his chest. Once the fit finally gave up, he quickly washed off the glimmering red liquid down the drain, refusing to stare at it any longer than a second.

Just as he was drying off, Kaito heard the click of the door closing and rushed downstairs shouting, "Welcome home!"

"I-I'm home…"

Gakupo answered back, quickly rushing past. Even then, Kaito just stood where he was, frozen to the spot, his eyes wide open, as if in disbelief.

"Did- did he just say 'I'm home'?"

After several minutes before the fact finally sank in, Kaito excitedly ran back to the kitchen to fix Gakupo his dinner. It was one of his happiest days that night, actually having Gakupo respond to his greeting, AND without getting upset at him! His earlier problem seemed to completely die out from his thoughts as it soon became replaced with only thoughts of Gakupo.

**xxxxx**

After finishing his dinner alone in his room and giving Kaito more of his angry comments, Gakupo got ready for the night and flopped onto his side on his big bed, made by Kaito every morning.

"God. I can't let it happen. Not again. NEVER again. I've gotta keep him away, make him hate me."

Then he rolled over to his back and placed his arm over his face, letting out a groan.

"Why must you make it so hard for me to hate you? Why can't you just hate me back for being the jerk I am? Why must you hurt me so with your beautiful, sad smiles? Why can't I just let you go?... Kaito…"

That was the last word to escape his lips before his tears drowned out his sorrows and Gakupo once again fell into another night of troubled sleep.

* * *

* * *

So how was that? I know that there weren't much lemon in this, but it just didn't feel like the time for it yet. Everything's gotta be set up first, right? And just a heads up, this fic might be quite depressing I'm sorry, I mentioned it in the beginning, but I started this with a random need to make it depressing so.. yeah!

Oh, and some of you asked about the title, how it's "doll's heart" and whether it's referring to Gakupo, but I guess that's up to your own interpretation? I did have one character in mind, but now I think about it, it could refer to any of them, really.

So i hope you enjoyed! I wrote the last half of this while I was high on caffeine! From an ice capp! :0 yes, I'm weird like that~

Well, Kaito gives kisses to anyone that loved this and reviewed~~ flames make Kaito very sad :'( but criticism will make Gakupo smirk (in a 'nice job with the help' kind of way, not the 'i look down on you' kind of way w;;) keep the love going~~


End file.
